Its been a while. I don’t mean to neglect this blog, but life gets crazy and I get too caught up in it sometimes to update…
So Easter Sunday I matched with a guy on one of the great dating apps.. We talked for a little bit. He is younger than me, adorable, and totally not my usual type…. so after getting to know him for a little bit that day he drops the bomb that he isn’t looking for anything serious.. I told him I appreciated the honesty but I was most definitely looking for a relationship… and that was that..
Two days later he messaged me again and explained that he isn’t just looking for a hookup, but is scared of a serious commitment, but doesn’t oppose dating.. Well ok..I can work with that I thought.. We talked for a week or so, thing were great. He texted me first every morning. We would talk for hours on end, phone calls, texts, we were so compatible and he genuinely seemed like a great guy. He was very honest and open about things even if I didn’t necessarily like the responses..
So we met…. things were amazing. I felt so comfortable with him, like I had known him for years. We hung out a few more times over the course of 3 weeks. Things were great. We started making plans for weeks in advance. Things seemed great. He came over after work Monday and something seemed off. I can’t explain it. I even messaged my best friend and told her… but I was also sick and a bit cranky so I wrote it off as my mood… Tuesday we talked until around noon and then gone… he ignored 2 texts and I don’t hear from him the rest of the evening. Very out of character for him….. So this morning I get a good morning text, and a how are you… I ask what happened no response…so I ask again did I do something? No its just a crazy day I’m sorry…
Well I’ve heard that a time or two… So I know its coming. I cried this morning. I’ve been trying my best not to get excited over this guy because every guy I get excited about breaks me down… and everything seemed to be going SO WELL and now its all flipped upside down. I’m trying not to read into things, but I’ve done this enough that I know how this goes….
I don’t even want to date at this point.. Its so exhausting. I’m so tired of losing people, and being pushed away… I’m so tired of getting excited, getting close to people, just for them to disappear. Being alone is so much easier.
<insert dramatic sigh>
DATING! UGH! I didn’t mean for this to turn into a “date hate” blog but here goes..
Are guys being born without balls now? It seems like every guy I find that I genuinely like has no spine. How hard is it to say what you mean and mean what you say? How hard is it to show respect to others?
Obviously, far too hard. My most recent dating candidate seemed great. We got along well, talked about everything, he seemed genuinely interested.. and then for 6 weeks every time we discussed hanging out “something came up”. The sad thing is I was ok with this the first few times, because things come up right? But it was the way things were handled that wasn’t ok. Instead of saying something came up, he would disappear. Instead of letting me know what was going on, I’d get a vague plan. Lets hangout sometime tonight, I’ll let you know and then nothing…
I deserve better than that. But every time this happens a piece of me dies.. Its like I have to mourn something that never was. I mourn the idea, the happiness I had at the idea of this working, and then I delete his number and I move on with my life..
I would much rather be completely rejected than to be strung along with vague plans that never pan out and lack of communication… On to the next!
I don’t abide by the rules of dating. It is funny though. My friends will tell me not to text a guy first, or to play it cool… But I’m sorry if a guy can send me an unsolicited dick pic, or can text me at 3am to tell me he has a hard-on I’m pretty sure me sending a good morning text isn’t going to be a deal breaker. And so what if it is?
I get so tired of the “don’t chase him game”. Guys are stupid. There is no reason to be overbearing but guys don’t think about things.
One of the worst qualities I have found since starting with all of the “online” dating is that guys can’t follow through. I’m sorry I don’t want to text anyone for weeks on end. We live 30 minutes from each other we need to meet. Don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep. Don’t stay out so late that you can’t follow through with meeting up with me the next day. If something does come up, text me first. Don’t go MIA. The disappearing act pisses me off more than anything in the world.
I refuse to be on the back burner, I refuse to follow stupid rules, and if you can’t respect that pound pavement!
Every holiday seems to bring this to light for me, but social media is out of control. People are so concerned with impressing others on social media that they can’t even take the time to enjoy life. I have a coworker who every few weeks she or her boyfriend or her best friend will post one of those proclamations of their love for each other. Complete with an insane collage sprinkled with glitter hearts. The thing is this isn’t done for them. Its done as a display for everyone else to see…. I told her once how stupid this was and she said I was jealous because I was single. My ex and I dated for 4 years and he didn’t engage in any form of social media. I never once made a dramatic post about how much I loved him. Things like that should be held for each other, not to try to prove to the world how much you love each other. Who cares what anyone else thinks as long as the two of you know how much you love each other.
The other end of this is the people you know who are truly unhappy, contemplating breaking up, and here comes the “I just don’t know what I would do without you in my life!”BLAH! Holidays also bring this up. And its not just couples. The best friend posts, the look how great my kid is post, look how many gifts I got for this holiday, look how many toys I bought my kid. Seriously if people could just focus on their lives and not the show they are putting on!
The kid thing really gets me. Some of these kids have the poses down. Their parents post a picture a day along with a narrative of how great their kid is. They are the all star gymnast, ballerina, baseball player, etc. These kids are like 2 years old, and you are trying to make them an Olympian. Make it stop. Save your personal life for your personal life. Quit with the unspoken competition of my kid is better than yours, my life is better than yours, my boyfriend loves me because he bought me this and that.. The truth is your kid is ugly, and probably going to be uneducated since you are too focused on how they look and them being an Olympian over learning how to read. Your boyfriend bought you that stuff to compensate for cheating on you with his secretary. And your best friend talks more shit about you behind your back than your worst enemy. And while you’re posting about how lavish your lifestyle the rest of us are reading that your house is in foreclosure…. Hows that for TRUTH! Live your life for you, not for everyone else!
Although I’m a raging independent woman, there certainly is an empty space where I once was loved. I was in a relationship for 6 years followed shortly thereafter with a relationship of 4 years. I spent 10 years of my life dedicated to another human being. It is now going on three years since my last relationship, and while I’ve dated casually I have yet to find someone I want to commit to.
Instead I have found guys who disappear, who won’t return my calls, who make up more excuses than should be allowed by law. I have found guys who play mind games, who are in relationships that they don’t consider relationships (when its convenient), and guys who flat out don’t have their shit together.
Maybe its Valentine’s day but I’m feeling super lonely lately. I’m also feeling tired. Tired of waiting by the phone, tired of begging someone to want to see me, tired of looking for someone to date. I know.. I know.. it will happen, I just wish it would hurry up.
I think I’ve finally come to terms with this. I don’t have a lot of friends. To be completely honest I’m not a big fan of people. I don’t like the drama, the neediness, I like being alone.
I have 3 best friends. I had a full blown conversation with someone once who told me that was impossible, and that I truly have 1 best friend and only 1 best friend. I guess I have different degrees of best friend(ism) with these girls but I consider them all my best friends.
Best Friend #1 I have been friends with since high school. Other than the lengthy investment of time I have with her, I sometimes wonder why we are still friends. We live 5 minutes from each other but we rarely hang out. Maybe once a month. She is very introverted and extremely in to developing this image of what she wants people to think she is. She buys in to all the trends. If there is a trend she is on it. At the same time though she is extremely jealous of everything I do and quite the one upper. I could say I went to Ruby Tuesday last night for dinner and she would say Oh I go to Ruby Tuesday 50 times a week…. Oh ok.. Well then.. I bought myself an expensive handbag 2 years ago. I have the excess income to be able to comfortable afford it. Her response was, I never really like those.. Fast Forward 2 years later and she just bought the same bag in a different print…. She has a boyfriend who by all accounts uses her. They break up and get back together more than I mop my floors. But she needs him so they always get back together. The last time I was with her she said something about marrying him and I almost wrecked the car.. MARRY HIM?! Could y’all stay together for a full year first? Another funny thing about this friend is her boyfriends are never allowed to be friends with me on social media?! Um What?! ok. By the way I don’t want your man… None of them.
Best Friend #2 I met some time after I graduated high school. She is my true best friend. This girl and I talk daily. We talk about EVERYTHING. If I ever needed anything I could count on her. She is boy crazy and desperate to find a husband. Even to the point of hoping to get pregnant from a one night stand… So she is bat shit crazy, but thats ok I still love her crazy ass anyways. And she makes me feel sane! HA! She lives a few hours away from me but we see each other as much as possible.
Best Friend #3 I met in college. She is the best of best friends. She is married with kids, and definitely the sanest of my friends. But sometimes its harder for me to connect with her. I love her to death and while we don’t see each other often we always pick up right where we left off. I know she would do anything for me and I love her to death.
Now the bat shit crazy part. All of my friends need a man. Want a man. Couldn’t live without one. I don’t get it. I guess many women are that way, and while I would love to have a GREAT significant other I don’t need it. I’m independent as they come, and I certainly wouldn’t try to have a child to trap a man, or marry a man I can’t stay committed to for more than 5 months at a time..
Do guys bullshit women as a game? Or do they actually believe the bullshit spewing from their mouth? Do they really think we are dumb enough to believe they lost their phone 12 weekends in a row?
This is why I hate dating..I hate the game, and I just refuse to play it. Also I’m not one of the passive women who sits and hangs on your every word. Fuck you! Don’t lie to me.
This guy I’ve been talking to, against my better judgement, I have been giving him the benefit of the doubt the last few weekends..I knew at least one of the excuses was bullshit and the other was completely irrelevant…But I went along with it..I told him last week he had one week and I was done…
So everything was good all week and then BAM this weekend he goes MIA. Completely… Um.. Did you die? because thats about the only valid excuse as to why I haven’t heard from you all weekend…
So over it all!